Bill Kristol dreams of being a contestant on Project Runway.

Bill Kristol loves Chinese Democracy.

Bill Kristol thinks we won the war in Iraq.

Bill Kristol doesn't think it makes you gay if you have wet dreams about Bibi Netanyahu.

Bill Kristol sure loves chicken soup!

Bill Kristol eats an entire Beef Wellington, every day at 2PM.

Bill Kristol is feeding a turkey into a wood chipper.

Bill Kristol loved the Sugarcubes, but he can pass on Bjork.

Bill Kristol isn't going to pay any fucking corkage fee on his bottle of Thunderbird, you sommelier twat.

Bill Kristol likes to rashly split his infinitives.

Bill Kristol just tells hookers that he's going to kill them, but he doesn't actually do it.

Bill Kristol is the Dov Charney of conservative pundits.

Bill Kristol has the largest collection of Hentai in the city of New York.

Bill Kristol sits alone in Central Park for hours, watching the children play.

Bill Kristol first suggested Sarah Palin.

Bill Kristol wears a dress every time he goes to visit his friends at the Pentagon.

Bill Kristol obviously lost a bet to John Stewart some time ago.

Bill Kristol cries himself to sleep at night, because of his missing foreskin.

Bill Kristol is a well-known "mouthy bottom" in the Bear Community.

Bill Kristol thought we would be greeted as liberators.

Bill Kristol once slept with a Downs Syndrome girl.

Bill Kristol is a Niggardly Slattern.